


On Top of Things

by EvilOtter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2019-05-05 08:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14614065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilOtter/pseuds/EvilOtter
Summary: The Hogwarts Sorting Hat recounts some of its memories and thoughts.





	On Top of Things

**Author's Note:**

> All recognizable characters, locations and events belong to J.K. Rowling.
> 
> This story was originally posted under the same title and under the pen name Evil Otter on Harrypotterfanfiction.com which closed on 4-28-18.

While I’m sitting here waiting to begin I guess that I can tell you about myself, because there are a lot of things that you don’t know about me.

_‘I don’t have the most glamorous job, but they can’t do without me!’_

Well, if you’re a student at Hogwarts or an alumnus we have no doubt crossed paths. In fact I know that we have because without me you wouldn’t be who you are. You never would have known which table to sit down at or which House you belonged to. If you haven’t guessed who I am by now let me give you a subtle hint, and if you STILL can’t guess then perhaps you really are a troll.

_‘I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat and you owe your path through Hogwarts to me!’_

I guess that I shouldn’t complain, I can’t think of another hat that has a more important job. Not even the crown of a king has as important a job; they just sit there and look pretty. I’m not pretty, in fact, I never was. I’ve always been rather plain and have become more battered over the centuries from sitting on countless heads. But I wouldn’t trade my job for anything.

Yes, I’ve seen them all and sat on so many heads that I, quite frankly, have lost count. I’ve seen my share of bright ones, dull ones and famous ones. So many come here not knowing the slightest thing about which House they belong in and it is left to me to place them. It’s not easy and I wrack my brain every time one of the little darlings sits on that stool and Professor McGonagall puts me on their head.

Some of them come to mind very easily while I have to struggle to remember the others, but it all starts the same. Normally, I sit in the Headmaster’s Office the entire term totally ignored but for one night of the year I am the star of the show and have everyone’s attention. It’s always so glorious, the Great Hall filled with students who are eagerly awaiting my decision about the placement of the first-years. I have a place of honor on the riser in front of the High Table where even the Headmaster is overshadowed by me.

_‘O’er one thousand years I’ve done this and soon it’s plain to see,_  
_for once I sit upon your head, we’ll know just where you’ll be!’_

You have no idea how long it takes for me to think of the song for the start of every new term without repeating myself and this has been going on for ten centuries! Everyone wants to give all of the credit to the four founders, they all forget about the one who has outlived all of them. Sure, I once belonged to Gryffindor and the rest of them, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, all gave their gifts to make the sorting process possible. But I am the one who has carried out their wishes for all of these years.

Like I said, however, you have no idea how much difficulty goes into my job. Yeah, I do take into account their wishes, otherwise Potter would have been a Slytherin. He was so close to sitting down with Malfoy and crew, things could have been so different, just the same as they would have been different if Riddle had been a Gryffindor. The possibilities are enough to drive one mad, but they do exist.

Back to the beginning of the term and the Sorting Ceremony, it always begins the same. The older students file in and take their places as they remember when it was their time to be sorted. The professors at the High Table talk quietly among themselves as they, like the students, wait for the doors to open and Professor McGonagall to lead the nervous first-years in. I’m the only one in the room who is sitting quietly, but my voice will be heard soon enough.

She leads the group of young students up to the front of the Great Hall to stand before the raised platform where I and the professors wait for them. I listen carefully as Dumbledore, like the Headmasters before him, makes a few brief statements and then McGonagall explains the ceremony. Already, I can sense the adrenalin racing through their bodies and hear their hearts pounding as they wait nervously for their name to be called. I have often wondered when Filch will have to clean up a puddle that one of them leaves when their name is called. It hasn’t happened yet, but someday it might.

Before I sort the little cretins, I enjoy entertaining them with the song that I have been thinking about all year. Obviously it doesn’t just come to me and I’m often thinking about a song for months. It wouldn’t do to repeat the same song year after year, would it?

_‘But who’s going to remember if I DO repeat a song from nine hundred years ago, except for those pesky ghosts?’_

Then she pulls the scroll from her robes and calls the first name. This one is always the best because none of them know what to expect and all eyes are upon them. I’ll never forget Granger telling herself to relax as she walked up to be the first sorted during her first year. They always hold their breath while I have my say and I wonder why.

When I announce the decision, some are very happy, some sad and others just plain relieved. Then they hurry to their tables to meet their new housemates and prepare for the feast that they are about to enjoy. The whole ceremony takes about an hour and then my time to shine is over for another year.

This is not to say that I don’t occasionally get a chance to serve a purpose at other times. I gave Potter counsel while he was in the Headmaster’s Office and allowed Potter and Longbottom to get the Sword of Gryffindor when they needed it most. Neither would have survived had I not helped them, but am I thanked? Who thinks to thank a hat?

_‘Oh, my goodness, the torches have been lit and the doors are opening. The professors are coming in and soon the students will follow. It’s nearly time for the ceremony and I couldn’t be more excited (well except for the time that the girls from Beauxbatons came in wearing those cute hats)!’_

We really do need to cut this short because the Headmaster doesn’t like to have things delayed. The students are taking their seats and the professors are settling in at the high table, soon Professor McGonagall will be leading the new students in to be sorted.

Pardon me while I get ready for my song.

_‘Fa, la, la, la!’_

Perfect, just perfect, now take your seat because here comes Professor McGonagall and the first years. I‘ve been waiting for this all year and I don’t want anything to put it off longer.


End file.
